I've struggled with body dysmorphic disorder since I've been in high school (not that I'm technically diagnosed, but it is strongly likely). Body dysmorphic disorder involves obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. As I get older I feel like it is getting worse (more obsessive), but I also feel more in control of it.
I used to refuse to eat more than one meal a day. I never was bulimic or anorexic. I've definitely been unhealthy about restrictions of calorie intake.
After a lot of research about fitness and nutrition, it is hard for me to actually limit the calories my body needs. I started adding a multivitamin (and Vitamin D3 because I have a deficiency) and cooking healthier. Those things help me prevent restrictions 99% of the time.
Another thing that has helped me is excercising including cardio and weight/resistance training. It gives me the feeling that I'm more in control and helps me by shaping/building my muscles and becoming more lean.
The hardest part of all of this is the fact that by the end of 2014 I was in excellent physical shape. I was toned and thin. I was happy because I felt I was almost where I wanted to be. At the end of 2014 I injured myself so badly that I ended up on crutches for 7 months resulting in significant muscle loss in my leg requiring me to re-learn how to walk. To lose my limp, it took another 5 months giving me a year of recovery just to function like a normal person. During this time I was unable to properly care for myself (food, grocery shopping, working out). I gained about 15 lbs (130 to 145). I continued lifting weights with my upper body and crutching, but I still loss muscle and strength. Of course my lower body strength was completely shot.
Now I'm struggling to lose the weight I had gained. The best method is incorporating cardio (running), strength training, and a healthy diet. My foot is so damaged that when I run a few miles, I am almost unable to walk to the next day due to the tremendous amount of pain that I experience. I have secondary osteoarthritis in my left ankle (my ankle bone shattered my heel bone at the joint and I had to reconstruct my foot during surgery). I'm beyond frustrated.
I used to dance and run. I can't really do these things like I used to. It's not like I need to lose weight because I'm fat. My stomach is flat and I'm not fat. I know I'm not. I'm constantly told by those around me how little I am. But there are things that I'm obsessed with fixing and it is just getting worse. I've resumed my strength training and pole dancing. These things I can do without my foot causing me pain the next day.
I just can't do things like I used to and for some I feel it is because of the lost muscle and weight gain. Some of it is because of my foot.
I just want to be back to my fitness and physique level I was at at the end of 2014. I think I can do it...it is just so hard to back pedal. But on the positive note, I am able to walk again without significant pain.